acontritemess | I knew publishing that paper would make waves

I knew publishing that paper would make waves

[Professor Corbin Ainsley Fitzmarcus kept a house outside of London. His commute to his office, which was thankfully infrequent as he was not a teaching professor, always began the same way. Leaving the rural countryside was never a problem, but the closer he came to the metropolis in which his office was housed, the more intense the nausea became. Over the years he'd learned to ignore it, but the pressure, just at the edge of his senses, never truly abated. Damn it to the nine levels of Hell if he didn't hate the city.

He parted in his usual space, grabbing his briefcase before heading inside. Not a happy man even when he wasn't perpetually dizzy, he sometimes thought it a pity his colleagues only knew a man perpetually off-kilter with the lack of life thrumming under London's streets. He couldn't find much cause to care, of course. His research assistants were companionable enough, at least when on site, and respectful enough to listen when he told them they were getting too close.

Ah. There was one of them now. A lanky man with a vibrant grin, his sole graduate student this year, fell into step beside him as he made his way up the steps to the faculty building.]

Morning, Professor!

[Corbin looked over to the young man, his expression dour, and simply grunted a response.]

Terrance.

[The young man frowned in sympathy.]

London not treating you well today, Sir?

[Terrance was one of the few people in Corbin's life privy to his secret, which the boy found academically fascinating, of course. Geobiologists.]

There is not a soul in Heaven or on Earth who has ever been treated well by this fair city, lad. I doubt the beast will change its mind anytime soon.

[His grad-student chuckled, shaking his head, but smiled over to his Professor.]

I saw the article was published. Do you think they'll think you mad?

[As they strode to the elevators leading to the upper offices, Corbin raised an eyebrow.]

Do you think I give a damn what they think? Improbable or not, the evidence is undeniable.

[The boy was quick to vehemently nod in agree me. Terrance, always a good lad, craving praise and acceptance.] Oh, certainly, Professor. I was there. I saw the readings. I just-

[Corbin offered the boy a rare smile.]

I solemnly swear your name was never mentioned, by dear boy. Should they drag my name through the mud, yours shall remain unsullied. Mayhap the next Professor saddled with you with be possessing of better temperament, eh?

[The elevator dinged it's arrival.] And half the excitement, Professor.

[A sharp laugh was given to the boy as he entered the elevator.] You can be sure of that.

[Corbin allowed the doors to slide closed and made his way up to his office, nodding a curt greeting to his assistant, and making his way to his desk after shutting the door to his office. He was pleased to see his morning tea was steaming on his desk. He took a seat, nudged his computer to life, and pulled a flask from his desk drawer, brandy to ward off the lingering pangs in his belly, adding a bit to the cup before taking a sip and pouring through the emails waiting for him.

About an hour later his phone buzzed, his assistant's voice coming across.] Professor Fitzmarcus? Forgive me, sir, but you have a visitor.

[Annoyed, he frowned at the phone before setting down his tea cup. He was certain he had no meetings this morning.] Does this visitor have an appointment?

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Eh, lad.

[Johnthan supposes that it's the best he can do without telling Corbin more. He's already over stepped his capacity though he knows that he alone is currently safe from Sunet; at least for the moment.

He eyes Corbin before stepping from the room.]

Ye be willing to see him?

[The idea makes Johanthan nervous but it's what he'd been sent to do. Sunet will never trust Johnathan's opinion of the boy. When they step out to the main office he flashes Clara an apologetic smile.]

I haven't decided. [He leads them down the hall and to the elevator, where they get to wait for it's rise to the 6th floor.]

I wager you can tell me something of him, and then I'll make a decision.

[He looks over to Johnathan.]

But I've had quite enough of the city. Haven't you?

[Johnathan watches Corbin for a moment and then nods.]

I never care for the city lad.

[The only time he had was because someone had been there waiting for him but that had been a very long time ago.]

We be talkin' where you like.

[Matters such as this Sunet could wait for seclusion, but they had plenty of time to talk on the way.]

I wager you have your own questions. [He spoke as the elevator doors slid open and he started making his way to the promenade.]

[Johnathan follows at Corbin's side, his gaze flicking around them as if they might be followed. There is a sort of tension in his shoulders that's mirrored in Corbin, the curse of being in the city for so long.]

Aye, but ye owe me naethin' sae why shoulds I ask?

[He isn't sure what he wants to know. His imagination is already doing plenty to guess what he's missed. He can't be with Constance so why does it matter? He thought he'd given up a long time ago but it still hurts.

Real love never stops hurting.]

Awful long way to travel to not ask your questions, isn't it?

[He makes his way to the parking lot, and his modest mode of transportation.]

You could have easily sent someone else, but you came. You want to be here, so go on, then. Ask your questions.

[Johnathan can see more and more of Constance in Corbin. He can't exactly open up to the boy but he isn't going to lie to him either. He exhales a slow breath keeping his voice and gaze even. He's had a lot of practice pretending the world doesn't hurt him or slip passed his shield.]

Was she canty? (happy)

[His one regret is not being able to come back for her. Not being able to complete their plans, to have left her in order to protect her. He abandoned her and he'll never forgive or forget it.

Now he learns he'd abandoned is son as well.]

Always. [Corbin nods, and there's a gentleness in his voice that hadn't been present before.] Or, perhaps it's only that she always showed me her happiness, used it to hide her concern.

[Johnathan's expression grew more solemn as they made their way to the car. Constance always balances just at the edge of his thoughts; never remembered but never forgotten.]

That was her way lad.

[He has never forgotten her smile. It's only another reason this plant needs to be saved.]

I'm well aware.

[Corbin actually resists the urge to say something petty like 'I knew her longer than you did'. Instead, he shoves his hands into his pockets as they walk, uncertain what to say.

All his life, which had been a long time, he'd figured, once he met his father, he'd tell him all the things he'd never hand a chance to say. Now that he's here, though...]

[Corbin's silence is met with more silence. Johnathan hasn't dwelled on the idea that he had a son out there somewhere. There was a point in time when he thought about one and Constance even told him what the boys name would be but that dream died with her.

As Johnathan follows Corbin to his car he tries to think of something more to say but once again nothing comes. Shallow talk is easy, any sort of talking that means something is very difficult.]

How? [The word escapes his lips before he can stop it and he bites back the rest of his question. It won't be so hard for Corbin to know that Johnathan was going to ask how Constance died.]

How? [He clenches his jaw. If he were in a similar situation, he knew what how would mean.]

How did she die?

Yeah...

[His voice is low and after a second he quickly continues.]

Ye donnea be havin' to answer that lad.

[It hurts but at this point Johnathan will take whatever the pain is and bear it. It'd been his fault. He'd been stupid then and to think he could protect her.]

[Corbin cuts his eyes at his errant father before looking back forward.]

You couldn't have done anything for her. [And he clenches his jaw.] It was cancer. [And he pauses, not looking at anything in particular, his eyes shining with emotion, though he doesn't turn his gaze toward his father.] I tried to heal her.

[Johnathan's gaze remains forward as well. He doesn't need to look over at Corbin to know the pain he must feel. Cancer? The one thing he hadn't thought of, even if they had run away she still would have been sick but then maybe they'd have had a few years together; as a family.

The thought burns a hole in his chest.]

I'm sorry...

[Druids aren't meant or made to heal people. Their task is to take care of the earth and he knows exactly how Corbin's efforts would have affected her. It must have hurt and Johnathan hadn't been there to stop him.]

You're sorry.

[There was a venomous edge to his voice but he still didn't look to Johnathan, instead keeping his eyes forward.]

You're sorry. Well. I suppose that makes it all better, then.

What would you have me do lad?

[Johnathan turns towards Corbin and glares. He already hates himself as it is and he knows that there is nothing else he could have done. They had plans, Johnathan had been going to meet her and then...

He swallows and turns away, his voice dropping in defeat.]

I wish it'd been another way.

[Anything else he could have said would have just sounded like an excuse. He'd wanted to protect her. He never got the message. He wanted to give her the best chance she'd have and it hadn't been with him. In the end, its probably better that Corbin grew up away from the man pulling Johnathan's strings.]

[Emotions rarely dominated Corbin's mind for long, even one so deeply seated as his feelings over his father. Over a century of isolation had made him cold, calculated, and aloof.

He let out a gentle sigh, looking over to the man finally.]

It doesn't matter. Mother died over a hundred years ago. She has no more pain, she doesn't have to see what the world's become.

[He shakes his head.] It doesn't matter.

[It does matter. Johnathan wants to yell at Corbin, to tell him that every moment she had been alive mattered but he couldn't bring himself too. Like the rain falling his anger faded and melted into sorrow. It's all his fault that it ended like this and who's to say what might have been better?

She doesn't have to see this world or how broken her town boys have become.

They fall into silence as Johnathan regains his composure. She's gone, he knows that and he has to now focus on keeping his son safe. It's what she would have wanted and it's what he's going to do. There is nothing that will keep Corbin from Sunet's glare but if Johnathan can stand between them he will.]

How long to our destination?

[His voice is low, his accent more fluid than it had been before. They need to talk and there is little time.]

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I knew publishing that paper would make waves

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